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2/22/09 01:47 am
[Unknown LJ tag]
Because he doesn't know what he wants, I had to be hurt.
I didn't see this coming and I don't know how to deal with it. I feel so used, so tormented, as if everything that he did was some game I had to play. His personality is so flirtatious he can't settle down. It makes me angry whenever i think about it. I want to hate him, so much. I slapped him, I wanted to punch him but I didn't want to hurt myself on him again. I'm an emotional wreck right now, a damaged car crash where the shattered remnants of my perfectly crafted relationship shards can be found twenty yards away. I wanted to shut out all that he had said. "I love you." Bull shit. Bull fucking shit.
But then there's this. I love him. I care about him. He is my Arian. He is my Jordan. He is the one thing that has remained consistent (as ironic as it may be) in my whole time at Georgia Tech. He is the one thing that I put my heart and soul into and the one thing that has lasted. Mike and Troy didn't last, neither did Daniel or Madhav, Rob came close but even still then he stopped; Mats is the only thing that has stood by my side and let me sort of understand his twisted being and he's one of the very few that I've let my guard down around.
I'm still deciding whether i did the right thing.
Because he doesn't know what he wants, I had to be hurt.
I didn't see this coming and I don't know how to deal with it. I feel so used, so tormented, as if everything that he did was some game I had to play. His personality is so flirtatious he can't settle down. It makes me angry whenever i think about it. I want to hate him, so much. I slapped him, I wanted to punch him but I didn't want to hurt myself on him again. I'm an emotional wreck right now, a damaged car crash where the shattered remnants of my perfectly crafted relationship shards can be found twenty yards away. I wanted to shut out all that he had said. "I love you." Bull shit. Bull fucking shit.
But then there's this. I love him. I care about him. He is my Arian. He is my Jordan. He is the one thing that has remained consistent (as ironic as it may be) in my whole time at Georgia Tech. He is the one thing that I put my heart and soul into and the one thing that has lasted. Mike and Troy didn't last, neither did Daniel or Madhav, Rob came close but even still then he stopped; Mats is the only thing that has stood by my side and let me sort of understand his twisted being and he's one of the very few that I've let my guard down around.
I'm still deciding whether i did the right thing.